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Lyrics AND Music PDF file worksheets include lyrics, vocabulary, imagery, mechanics, comprehension questions, What does the Bible say?, author/poet, geography, activities

What do reindeer say before they tell a joke?
ANSWER:  This will sleigh you.

What do you get if you cross a Yule Log with a duck?
ANSWER:  A Fire Quacker

Why are Christmas trees like people who can't knit?
ANSWER:  They both drop their needles.

What is red and white and goes up and down and up and down?
ANSWER:  Santa Claus stuck in an elevator

What goes, " ho, ho ... swoosh ... ho, ho ... soosh? "
ANSWER:  Santa caught in a revolving door.

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
ANSWER:  So he can hoe, hoe, hoe

What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
ANSWER:  Crisp Kringle

What does Santa say when he falls down the chimney backwards?
ANSWER:  Oh! Oh! Oh!

If I'm standing at the North Pole, facing the South Pole, and the East is on my left hand, what's on my right hand?
ANSWER:  Fingers!

What do you call a flamingo at the North Pole?
ANSWER:  Lost!


What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
ANSWER:  Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

What Christmas Carol is a favorite of parents?
ANSWER:  Silent Night

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
ANSWER:  Snow flakes

What kind of bird can write?
ANSWER:  PENguin

What kind of candle burns longer, a red candle or a green candle?
ANSWER:  Neither!  Candles always burn shorter!

What did the dog breeder get when she crossed an Irish Setter with a Pointer at Christmastime?
ANSWER:  A "pointsetter"!

What did one Christmas light say to the other Christmas light?
ANSWER:  You light me up!

What did the Christmas bell say to the other Christmas bell?
ANSWER:  Give me a ring sometime

What do elves learn while in homeschool?
ANSWER:  The Elf-abet!


If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
ANSWER:  Missletoe!

What's a hairdressers's favourite Christmas song?
ANSWER:   'Oh comb all ye faithful'


What do elephants sing at Christmas?
ANSWER:   No-elephants No elephants...!

Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gamble?
ANSWER:  It's true ... Comet cleans sinks!

What is green, covered with tinsel and goes "ribbet ribbet"?
ANSWER:   A mistle-"toad"!

What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
ANSWER:  The Christmas alphabet has NO - L   (Noel)

What do you get when you cross a bell with a skunk?
ANSWER:   Jingle smells!

What is white, lives at the north pole and runs around naked?
ANSWER:   A polar bare!

Why don't penguins fly?
ANSWER:   Because they're too short to be pilots!

Why do birds fly south in the winter?
ANSWER:   Because it's too far to walk!

What do you call a penguin wearing ear muffs?
ANSWER:   Anything, he can't hear you!

What did Santa get when he crossed a woodpecker with kleenex?
ANSWER:   Rapping paper!

What sort of insects love snow?
ANSWER:   Mo-ski-toes!

What food do you get when you cross a snowman with a polar bear?
ANSWER:   A "brrr" - "grrr"!

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas ?
ANSWER:   Thanks, I'll never part with it !

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care.
They'd been worn all week and needed the air.

The Four Stages of Life:
1)  You believe in Santa Claus.
2)  You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3)  You are Santa Claus.
4)  You look like Santa

A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.  She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "Heaven help us!  Has it come to this?  Give me 6 Roman Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists

A guy goes into his dentist's office, because of pain in his mouth.  After a brief examination, the dentist exclaims, "Oh my!  That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded!  What on earth have you been eating?"

"Well ...  the only thing I can think of is this ...  my wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it ... Hollandaise sauce she called it ...  and doctor, I'm talking DELICIOUS!  I've never tasted anything like it, and ever since then I've been putting it on everything ... meat, fish, toast, vegetables ...  you name it!"

"That's probably it," replied the dentist.  "Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive.  It seems as though I'll have to install a new plate, but made out of chrome this time."

"Why chrome?" the man asked.

"Well, everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

This story was sent in from Michigan ...

My husband and I had been happily married (most of the time) for five years but we had not been blessed with a baby.  I decided to do some serious praying and promised God that if He would give us a child I would be a perfect mother, love it with all my heart and raise it with His word as my guide.  God answered my prayers and blessed us with a son.  The next year God blessed us with another son.  The following year, He blessed us with yet another son. The year after that we were blessed with a daughter. My husband thought we'd been blessed right into poverty.  We now had four children, and the oldest was only four years old.  I learned never to ask God for anything unless I meant it.  As a minister once told me, "If you pray for rain, make sure you carry an umbrella." 

I began reading a few verses of the Bible to the children each day as they lay in their cribs.  I was off to a good start.  God had entrusted me with four children and I didn't want to disappoint Him.

I tried to be patient the day the children smashed two-dozen eggs on the kitchen floor searching for baby chicks.  I tried to understand when they started a hotel for homeless frogs in the spare bedroom, although it took me nearly two hours to catch all twenty-three frogs.  When my daughter poured ketchup all over herself and rolled up in a blanket to see how it felt to be a hot dog, I tried to see the humor rather than the mess.

In spite of changing over twenty-five thousand diapers, never eating a hot meal and never sleeping for more than thirty minutes at a time, I still thank God daily for my children.  While I couldn't keep my promise to be a perfect mother (I didn't even come close), I did keep my promise to raise them in the Word of God.  I knew I was missing the mark just a little when I told my daughter we were going to church to worship God, and she wanted to bring a bar of soap along to "wash up" Jesus, too. Something was lost in the translation when explained that God gave us everlasting life, and my son thought it was generous of God to give us his "last wife."

My proudest moment came during the children's Christmas pageant.  My daughter was playing Mary, two of my sons were shepherds and my youngest son was a wise man.  This was their moment to shine.  My five-year-old shepherd had practiced his line, "We found the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes."  But he was nervous and said, "The baby was wrapped in wrinkled clothes."  My four-year-old "Mary" said, "That's not wrinkled clothes silly.  That's dirty, rotten clothes."  A wrestling match broke out between Mary and the shepherd, which was stopped by an angel, who bent her halo and lost her left wing.

I slouched a little lower in my seat when Mary dropped the doll representing Baby Jesus, and it bounced down the aisle crying, "Mama-mama."  Mary grabbed the doll, wrapped it back up and held it tightly as the wise men arrived.  My other son stepped forward wearing a bathrobe and a paper crown, knelt at the manger and announced, "We are the three wise men, and we are bringing gifts of gold, common sense and fur."  The congregation dissolved into laughter, and the pageant got a standing ovation. "I've never enjoyed a Christmas program as much as this one," Father Brian laughed, wiping tears from his eyes.  "For the rest of my life, I'll never hear the Christmas story without thinking of gold, common sense and fur."

"My children are my pride and my joy and my greatest blessing," I said as I dug through my purse for an aspirin.

  

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