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April 15th
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Income
Tax Day One Liners
A penny saved
is a government oversight.
Did you ever
notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS"
together it spells "THEIRS"?
Taxgiving Day
= April 15th
I'm a little
worried about this year's income tax. I think I made it
out wrong. I've got thirty-five cents left.
I don't know
if we'll ever get a cure for poverty, but the way taxes and prices
are going up, we've got a sure cure for wealth!
You should
file your income tax, not chisel it.
Why does a
slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial
tax cut saves you thirty cents?
America is
the land of opportunity. Everybody can become a taxpayer.
It's hard to
believe America was founded to avoid high taxation.
Americans are
now in a daze from intaxication.
Drive carefully.
Uncle Sam needs every taxpayer he can get.
A fool and
his money are soon parted. The rest of us wait until income
tax time.
When making
out your income-tax report, be sure you don't overlook your most
expensive dependent — the government.
Making out your own
income tax return is something like a do-it-yourself mugging.
A harp is a
piano after taxes.
What this country
needs most is a SPCTT - The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty
to Taxpayers.
Death and taxes
are inevitable, but death doesn't repeat itself.
Everything
we have is taxed — even our patience.
No mans property
is safe while Congress is in session.
— Mark Twain
We do not seem
able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out
of business.
— Will Rogers
If your face
is your fourtune, you won't have to pay any income tax.
April is always
a difficult month for Americans — even if your ship
comes in, the IRS is right there to help you unload it.
IRS: We've got
what it takes to take what you've got.
Ever wonder
why the IRS calls it Form 1040?
Because for every $50 that you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.
Isn't it appropriate
that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends
with cries of "May Day!"?
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Zero
Gravity!
When NASA first started sending up
astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would
not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists
spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in
zero gravity, upside down, on almost any surface including glass
and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.
Enjoy paying your taxes — they're
coming due again
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Installment
Plan
Taxpayer: I always pay my income
taxes all at once.
Tax collector: But you are allowed to pay them in quarterly
installments.
Taxpayer: I know it, but my heart can't stand it four times
a year.
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Paying
with a Smile
Tax Collector: Why don't you pay your taxes with a smile?
Taxpayer: I'd love to, but you insist on money!
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The
Meeting
A man walked into the tax collector's
office and sat down and smiled at everyone.
"May I help you?" said the
clerk in charge.
"No," said the man. "I
just wanted to meet the people I have been working for all these
years."
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IRS
A businessman was near death and made
arrangments for his remains to be sent to the Internal Revenue
Service with the following note: "Now you have it all."
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Request: Do
you have any Income Tax Day Jokes you would like to share?
If so, e-mail us your ideas by here
©
Beverly Schmitt 1997-2004, all rights reserved
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