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Income Tax Day
Income Tax Day

April 15th
Table of Contents

One Liners +

Zero Gravity

Installment Plan

Paying with a Smile

The Meeting




Income Tax Day One Liners


A penny saved is a government oversight.

Did you ever notice:  When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?

Taxgiving Day = April 15th

I'm a little worried about this year's income tax.  I think I made it out wrong.  I've got thirty-five cents left.

I don't know if we'll ever get a cure for poverty, but the way taxes and prices are going up, we've got a sure cure for wealth!

You should file your income tax, not chisel it.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

America is the land of opportunity. Everybody can become a taxpayer.

It's hard to believe America was founded to avoid high taxation.

Americans are now in a daze from intaxication.

Drive carefully. Uncle Sam needs every taxpayer he can get.

A fool and his money are soon parted.  The rest of us wait until income tax time.

When making out your income-tax report, be sure you don't overlook your most expensive dependent — the government.

Making out your own income tax return is something like a do-it-yourself mugging.

A harp is a piano after taxes.

What this country needs most is a SPCTT - The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Taxpayers.


Death and taxes are inevitable, but death doesn't repeat itself.

Everything we have is taxed — even our patience.


No mans property is safe while Congress is in session.
— Mark Twain


We do not seem able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business.
— Will Rogers


If your face is your fourtune, you won't have to pay any income tax.


April is always a difficult month for Americans — even if your ship
comes in, the IRS is right there to help you unload it.

IRS:  We've got what it takes to take what you've got.


Ever wonder why the IRS calls it Form 1040?
Because for every $50 that you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.

Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of "May Day!"?


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Zero Gravity!


When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.  To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.  The Russians used a pencil.

Enjoy paying your taxes — they're coming due again


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Installment Plan


Taxpayer:  I always pay my income taxes all at once.
Tax collector:  But you are allowed to pay them in quarterly installments.
Taxpayer:  I know it, but my heart can't stand it four times a year.



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Paying with a Smile



Tax Collector:  Why don't you pay your taxes with a smile?
Taxpayer:  I'd love to, but you insist on money!


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The Meeting


A man walked into the tax collector's office and sat down and smiled at everyone.

"May I help you?" said the clerk in charge.

"No," said the man.  "I just wanted to meet the people I have been working for all these years."



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A businessman was near death and made arrangments for his remains to be sent to the Internal Revenue Service with the following note:  "Now you have it all."



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Request:  Do you have any Income Tax Day Jokes you would like to share?
If so, e-mail us your ideas by here

© Beverly Schmitt 1997-2004, all rights reserved
Questions/Comments? E-mail

Most people know PrestonSpeed Publications brought the classic writings of G.A. Henty back into print.  Entire families are once again enjoying Mr. Henty's work in books, audio books, and in The Captain.  Demand the best by demanding PrestonSpeed Publications.  Accept no substitutes!!