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A merry heart
doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones
— Proverbs 17:22 — |
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A merry heart
maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart
the spirit is broken — Proverbs 15:13 — |
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All the days
of the afflicted are evil: but he that is of a merry heart
hath a continual feast. — Proverbs 15:15 — |
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Go thy way,
eat thy bread with joy, and drink thy wine with a merry heart;
for God now accepteth thy works. — Ecclesiastes 9:7 — |
Q. Why
did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
A. He
couldn't afford plane fare.
Parent/Teacher:
"Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?"
Child/Scholar:
"Because it was too far for them to crawl."
Q. Why
do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
A. Regular
rocks are too heavy.
Q. How
did the Irish Jig get started?
A. Too
much to drink and not enough restrooms!
Q. What
do you call a clumsy Irish dance?
A. A
jig mistake!
Q. How
can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
A. He's
Dublin over with laughter!
Q. What
does Ireland have more of than any other country?
A. Irishmen!
Cook l: "What
do you think of my Irish stew?"
Cook 2:
"It could use a pinch of Gaelic."
Q. What
do you get if you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover??
A. A
rash of good luck!
Q. What's
Irish and stays out all night?
A. Patty
O'furniture!
Q. What
did one Irish ghost say to the other?
A. 'Top
o' the moaning!
Q. What's
big and purple and lies next to Ireland?
A. Grape
Britain!
Leprechauns
Q. Why
do leprechauns have pots o'gold?
A. They
like to "go" first class!
Q. What's
little and green and goes two hundred miles per hour?
A. A
leprechaun in a blender!
Q. What
would you get if you crossed a leprechaun with a Texan?
A. A
pot of chilli at the end of the rainbow!
Q. What
would you get if you crossed a leprechaun with a frog?
A. A
little green man with a croak of gold!
Q. Did
you hear about the leprechaun who went to jail?
A. He
was a leprecon!
Q. Why
can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A. Because
they're always a little short.
Q. What's
little and green and stuck to your bumper?
A. A
leprechaun who didn't look both ways.
Q. Did
you hear about the leprechaun who worked at the diner?
A. He
was a short-order cook!
Q. What's
six feet tall, green, and has a crock of gold?
A. A
leprechaun with a gland problem!
Q. Do
leprechauns get angry when you make fun of their height?
A. Yeah,
but only a little!
Q. Why
did the leprechaun stand on the potato?
A. To
keep from falling in the stew!
Q. Do
leprechauns make good secretaries?
A. Sure,
they're great at shorthand!
Q. How
did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold?
A. He
took a shortcut!
Q. What
do leprechauns love to barbecue?
A. Short
ribs!
Q. Why
are leprechauns so hard to get along with?
A. Because
they're very short-tempered!
Q. What
baseball position do leprechauns usually play?
A. Shortstop!
Q. What
do you get when two leprechauns have a conversation?
A. A
lot of small talk!
Q. What
did the leprechaun say to the elf?
A. "How's
the weather up there?"
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Warren.
Warren who?
Warren anything
green today?
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Irish.
Irish who?
Irish you
a happy St. Patrick's Day!
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